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The online journal of Vermont filmmaker, Bill Simmon.

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Friday links/videos

Posted on Oct 24, 2008 by billsimmon in filmmaking, Friday video party, funny, Life of Bill, people I want to get drunk with, politics, vermont, Video | 0 Comments

Okay, so I am chiming in here despite the film festival going on. I just had to “spread the wealth” of these links…

First up, check out the hot dames I was partying with at last night’s VIFF opening party and awards ceremony…

Those are the sisters of the House of LeMay, who’s film Slingbacks and Syrup, is playing at the Main Street Landing tomorrow night. It’s sure to be a fabulous time. Incidentally, The LeMay sisters have officially thrown down the bedazzled gauntlet on winning next year’s Daysie for best non-political blog. They’re so sincere, I might vote for them myself!

Now check out this funny filmmaking/political ad parody, courtesy of AlexCh…

And finally, here’s a hilarious dialogue between the major political figures in the 2008 election cycle… playing D&D. This comes from Arthur in the Pro Obama Dungeons and Dragons Crowd group at MyBarackObama.com…

GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?

OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.

MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I’m a level 72 ranger and he’s only a level 8 paladin.

OBAMA: Well, if you’d bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you…

MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.

OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty “Matterhorn, son of Marathon” shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?

MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.

OBAMA: “My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one.”

MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.

OBAMA: OH NO YOU DID!

MCCAIN: Whatever, so’s your mom.

OBAMA: So’s your FACE.

MCCAIN: So’s your Mom’s face!

HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?

(continued below the fold…)

MCCAIN: Hilary, we’ve been over this.

HILARY: No, dude.  I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer.  Seriously, I can’t even use a sword. Fuck this noise.

KUCINICH: IM A BARD!

OBAMA: That’s nice.

KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD!

MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus.  Here we go.

KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA!!!!!!!!

HILARY: C’mon you guys, I’ve been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade.  Why can’t I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?

MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.

OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.

HILARY: SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.

MCCAIN: Yeah?  Bring it!  I didn’t spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.

HILARY: WHATEVER, you can’t even lift your arms over your head.

RON PAUL:  I brought my Planescape character!

OBAMA: Dude, we’re playing Forgotten Realms.

RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil!  I’m a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!

MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.

RON PAUL:  Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it!  Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!

PALIN: Hi folks!  Sorry I’m late!  I brought caribou burgers.

HILARY: Who the HELL is this?

MCCAIN: It’s cool, she’s with me.

HILARY: No!  No, it’s not cool!  Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!

MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.

BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.

MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP!

GM: You guys, seriously, if you don’t knock it off with the bickering I’m going to start docking experience points.

MCCAIN: You know what?  Fuck it.  I’m suspending the campaign.

GM: You can’t do that!  Only I can suspend the campaign!  I didn’t suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I’m not going to suspend it now.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP.

MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don’t even count.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS!

BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?

RON PAUL: Wait.  What happen to tiny Mormon Man?

GM: You find Mitt’s lifeless, drained corpse and it’s been stuffed in the broom closet.

HILARY: Oh, God DAMMIT.

MCCAIN: Not ok!  NOT OK!

OBAMA: What, I didn’t even get a detect evil roll for that one?

HILARY: I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary’s just jealous of the beauty queen.

RON PAUL: Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless.  Ronpaul SMASH!!

MCCAIN: Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this?  The grown ups are talking.

RON PAUL: Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul?  Not fair!

HILARY: I mean, never mind that I’m the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.

RON PAUL: Also Mitt have stupid name.  Who name kid after baseball equipment?

KUCINICH: HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK!

HILARY: This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.

GM: You know what? Forget it.  Rocks fall, everyone dies.

OBAMA: Screw you guys.  I’m going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart’s house.

HILARY: Me too.

MCCAIN: Me too.

KUCINICH: GAZEBO!

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