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The online journal of Vermont filmmaker, Bill Simmon.

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Dumb Side of the Moon

Posted on Jul 1, 2011 by billsimmon in fail, filmmakers, filmmaking, movies | 10 Comments

So the plot of Transformers Dark of the Moon is that in 1961 a ship carrying special Transformers technology that could help win the Cybertron war crashed on the Earth’s moon, was noticed by observers on Earth (in the US and USSR), who then had a space race to get to the moon and see what was there. Over and over in the film the characters refer to what was found (parked a few hundred yards from the Apollo 11 landing site) as being on “the dark side of the moon.” Now let’s set aside the fact that “the dark side of the moon” is a misnomer in most cases. What people usually mean is the far side of the moon because only one side of the moon (the near side) ever faces the Earth (because the moon’s rotation rate and revolution rate are the same — about 28 days). Let’s just ignore that, because assuming the makers of this film made that too-common mistake is giving them way too much credit. This is how utterly dumb this movie is. Not only is the crashed Transformers ship not on the far side of the moon — which we know because it was clearly in the Sea of Tranquility where Apollo 11 landed (on the near side) and because a major plot point involves shooting a laser from the surface of the Earth to the spot on the moon where the ship is — but it’s not on the dark side either, because in every scene we see on the moon at the crash site, it’s obviously lit by the sun!

This is merely intended to be an emblematic example. The dumbness of this film is too deep to contemplate. Seriously. It’s blisteringly stupid. I lost brain cells watching it. It follows a narrative logic than insults anyone over the age of eight. I hate Michael Bay for this. I truly do. Fuck that guy.

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  1. On July 1, 2011, Arthur said:

    Right right, but I’m not seeing the problem.

  2. On July 1, 2011, Nato said:

    Bill, what you OBVIOUSLY failed to realize was that the entire film transpired in a parallel universe. With different physics. See? [;-)]

  3. On July 1, 2011, Raedia said:

    Clearly you’re not thinking with portals! Put an orange one on the dark side, a blue one on the light side, and you can have it both ways!

  4. On July 1, 2011, Scott said:

    For another take on this movie, please read what the guy with the crazy hair from Ancient Aliens has to say: http://on.fb.me/msdWjA

    In a related story: http://on.fb.me/jM9iCy

  5. On July 1, 2011, Alex C said:

    Maybe they mean it figuratively, as in, “the side of the moon that houses an evil alien device”. Like the Dark Side of the Force — which, as we all know, has no truly dark side, since the Emperor shoots wicked bright lightning bolts.

  6. It’s a well-known fact that Michael Bay learned all his astronomy from Pink Floyd. (I understand his next project is a film adaptation of “Blows Against the Empire.”)

  7. On July 8, 2011, BenMac said:

    How does Pink Floyd figure into all of this?

  8. On July 8, 2011, BenMac said:

    I mean, I just wanted to hear some jams.

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