Authored by: JIMO on Thursday, February 02 2006 @ 06:33 PM

Mustn't make crude comment about craiglist link...mustn't make comment...concentrate...can't help...it's no use...losing internal battle...abandon urbane ship...aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggh!!

Why the hell would she need someone else to play Jabba?

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There's always gotta be a reason for something.

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Authored by: JIMO on Thursday, February 02 2006 @ 10:40 PM

Oh, and the sequel to The Dark Crystal better be 4 hours long with the first 2 hours being The Dark Crystal, because NO ONE FUCKING REMEMBERS THE ORIGINAL FILM NOW. And you'll probably have as much luck finding a copy of Krull on your local video store shelf.

You know what I remember about The Dark Crystal? NOTHING. All I remember is the crappy, freeze-frame, Zork-rip-off video game based on the movie and made for the Commodore Vic 20, or some such circa early 1980's computer, which had about as much processing power as the "Yes, everyone, look, I'm a dork" watch-calculator I wore at the time. And you know what I remember about the video game? You were supposed to control Jen and tell her, it, whatever to interact with the confusing shit you saw in the crappy freeze-frame image, except you know what Jen was able to do? NOTHING. No matter what command you typed for Jen to do, this was the response: "Jen does not know how to [blank]."

"Jen does not know how to climb tree."

"Jen does not know how to use key."

"Jen does not know how to open door."

"Jen does not know how to EAT SHIT AND DIE!."

Fuck Jen.

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There's always gotta be a reason for something.

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Authored by: billsimmon on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 12:44 AM

Yeah, notice how the link was addressed to "proto goths?" Um, you're not one of those, Jimo.

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Authored by: evening on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 08:42 AM

I remember liking The Dark Crystal as a kid, but I don't remember it
either. And don't blame the movie on the crappy video game

Brokeback to the Future was great. I don't think I'll ever tire of those
kinds of "previews."

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Authored by: JIMO on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 07:09 PM

Bill, what's a proto-goth? Is that like some single-cell organism with an attitude that develops a black phospholipid membrane and a matching black flagellum?

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There's always gotta be a reason for something.

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Authored by: billsimmon on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 07:17 PM

Bill, what's a proto-goth? Is that like some single-cell organism with an attitude that develops a black phospholipid membrane and a matching black flagellum?

Yes.

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Authored by: MarkS on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 10:05 PM

I tried to fuck Jen. She wasn't going or it.
*sigh*

Different Jen, methinks.

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Authored by: MarkS on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 10:37 PM

I realy enjoyed the director's cut of The Empress, the extended length was satisfying. The Empress's true colors come out more and it also points up her complexity. Her love for her husband, the king, and her desire to satisfy him. This and several other subplots weren't really dealt with as deeply in the regular version.

It's taken further because she symbollically castrates her former lover, Sandeep, by taking his guitar and giving it to the King. While much of the second act is devoted to Sandeep's spiritual journey, the third act is really brought alive by Sandeep's realization that the Queen's seemingly cruel deed was actually her pledge of love to him, liberating him, so that he can be with his true love, Yasmin, who has been quietly suffering unrequetted love for Sandeep all this time.

It sounds cheesy, but they way it ends is really great with Sandeep and Yasmin getting their own Sultanate, the birth of the prince and the King's quelling of the rebellion through song, dance, diplomacy and a hundred trunks filled with a mysterious white powder.

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Authored by: MarkS on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 10:43 PM

I think if that really huge chick from craigslist sat on me, the movie would be Brokedick Mountain, or the Mountain Broke My Dick, or something like that. I just wanted to work "Brokedick" in there.

BTW Brokeback to the Fututre was f-ing hilarious.

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Authored by: DanZ on Friday, February 03 2006 @ 10:50 PM

ha ha ha. laugh while you can, monkey boy. dark crystal was one of the greatest movies ever made. i loved that movie. I recommend you take a look for several reasons:

1 - Frank Oz's work as Aughra, the sorceress in a remarkable observatory, is some of the greatest puppetry ever - better than (or as good as) his work on Yoda in the Empire Strikes Back or, I think, better than Henson's Jen in Dark Crystal. This movie made me a big fan of Oz.

2. Aughra was also a great character: "Born from the need for rocks and trees for an eye to see the world. The wind blew and the blind trees and roots twisted in the dark rocks and the roots and the rocks cracked and I was Aughra." What a great movie.

3 - The mystical Uru, the Evil Skeksis and the innocent Podlings are lovely trinity of mysticism, evil and innocence as ever graced the screen (see The Godfather, and Star Wars for other less profound examples).

4 - We always wondered what Henson would do with Scred, King Ploobis and The Great Favog from the Saturnday Night Live episodes. I used to whine to Bill about how nobody seems to remember the skits that Henson produced for SNL. In fact, I seem to recall posting that same whine here - maybe not. Like the Mr. Bill and Albert Brooks' movies, the Henson skits didn't involve the SNL cast, but they were fun as heck. Scred was a proto-Skeksis that should never have disappeared and we have The Dark Crystal to thank for his return. It's not Scred himself, but in a new form as the crazed Skeksis that are hell-bent on destroying everything and sucking the life from the podlings and themselves and their planet Thra.

5 - Froud's imagined world is a beautiful work of fantasy.

6 - My first experience of Deep Roy in any movie, although I knew nothing of him at the time. His later work was so extensive and interesting that I can't do justice to it here. See his IMDB credits. The guy is ... "versatile".

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Authored by: MarkS on Saturday, February 04 2006 @ 12:56 AM

I am the Almighty Favog...

The Land of Gorch. I remember the Muppets on SNL. Scred was f-ing hilarious. I used to do a pretty good Scred.

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Authored by: DanZ on Saturday, February 04 2006 @ 05:12 PM

The great FAVAAAAAAHHHGGG!

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